What should I do when I feel unaffirmed and rejected?

We all have a need to feel affirmed; to know that our life has value and is valued by others. But people don’t always offer the affirmation we desire, and as a result, we might feel rejected, alone, or worthless. In such times, we can find affirmation in our almighty God, who who created us in his image and longs to live in relationship with us. God values us, even to the point of sacrificing his own Son to die for our sins so that we could have the opportunity to live with him forever. God’s words and actions toward us affirm that we not only matter to him, but he desires us more than anything else!

How does God affirm me?

Genesis 1:27

So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

God affirmed us when he created us like himself.

Romans 5:8

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

1 Corinthians 15:3

I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me. Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said.

God values us so much that he was willing to send his Son to die for each of us so we could live forever with him, enjoying his love and care. He did this even while we were still stained with sin and had done nothing to deserve his forgiveness. God affirms our value, even if our lives are a mess.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Galatians 1:10

Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant.

Matthew 6:3-4

But when you give to someone in need, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. [4] Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.

Philippians 1:6

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

1 Peter 2:5

And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God.

Psalm 149:4

For the LORD delights in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.

God affirms our efforts to follow him, even efforts that don’t earn affirmation from people around us or efforts that don’t seem to be making a difference. God delights in a heart that truly strives to follow him far more than he delights in the impressiveness of the results.

Psalm 5:12

For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love.

Psalm 67:1

May God be merciful and bless us. May his face smile with favor on us. Isaiah 54:10

For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. John 15:9

I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.

1 Thessalonians 1:4

We know, dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you and has chosen you to be his own people.

1 Peter 5:10

In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

2 Peter 1:2

May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.

God affirms us through his love, his blessings, his mercy, his forgiveness, and his gift of salvation. What greater affirmation can we receive than the affirmation of the Creator of the universe?

Jeremiah 31:3

Long ago the Lord said . . . “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”

Life is the story of how God pursues us, rescues us from our sin, and restores us so that we can become the people we were created to be. When we read God’s Words to us throughout the Bible, we should think about all he has done to show us how much we matter to him.

How do I affirm God?

Psalm 145:2

I will praise you every day; yes, I will praise you forever.

Psalm 72:18

Praise the Lord God, the God of Israel, who alone does such wonderful things.

Psalm 96:2

Sing to the Lord; praise his name. Each day proclaim the good news that he saves.

Psalm 100:4

Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 134:2 Lift your hands in holiness, and bless the Lord.

Psalm 150:6

Let everything that breathes sing praises to the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Romans 12:1

Deuteronomy 10:12-13

And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul. And you must always obey the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good.

To give or receive a blessing is a great affirmation. We affirm God through our praise, worship, and thanksgiving. How do we affirm one another? Why is it so important?

Romans 14:19

So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

1 Thessalonians 5:11, 13

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing . . . Show them great respect and wholehearted love because of their work. And live peacefully with each other.

1 Corinthians 14:26

When you meet together, one will sing, another will teach, another will tell some special revelation God has given, one will speak in tongues, and another will interpret what is said. But everything that is done must strengthen all of you.

Hebrews 7:7

And without question, the person who has the power to give a blessing is greater than the one who is blessed.

We affirm one another through encouragement, praise, and building each other up. This helps us and others feel loved and strengthens our sense of worth.

Galatians 6:9

2 Thessalonians 3:13

2 Timothy 1:5-7

1 Corinthians 15:58

When we are afraid, discouraged, or weary, godly affirmation can encourage us to persevere.

Is wanting affirmation ever unhealthy?

Colossians 3:23-24

Matthew 25:23

1 Thessalonians 4:1

Romans 5:8

1 John 3:1

1 John 4:18

It is good to desire to honor and please God. Our greatest goal should be to stand before him some day and hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” However, we should not confuse love and affirmation. Even while we were sinners and enslaved to evil desires (which God does not affirm), God loved us and sent his Son to die for us. We don’t need to live in fear that we are not good enough for God—he has chosen us, he loves us, and he refuses to give up on us. He doesn’t love us because of what we’ve accomplished. He loves us because we are his precious children.

Matthew 5:16

Luke 2:52

Titus 2:6-8

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Galatians 1:10

John 12:43

1 Timothy 6:5

1 Thessalonians 2:4

Winning human approval is not a bad thing, and in many cases, it can be a good thing. Living a good, honorable life is an important part of our Christian witness. However, if we care more about success and human affirmation than faithfulness to God and his gospel, we’ve made a grave mistake. Sometimes, godliness leads to human affirmation, but sometimes, it doesn’t. That’s why it’s important to cultivate a longing for God’s affirmation above anyone else’s.

Proverbs 29:5

2 Timothy 4:3-4

Psalm 12:3

Proverbs 28:23

Proverbs 27:6

Flattery is false affirmation. Our hunger for affirmation may lead to people telling us what we want to hear—and manipulating us through that. A friend who speaks the truth, even when it is difficult, should be greatly treasured.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Proverbs 13:20

Proverbs 22:24-25

One subtle way we seek affirmation from others is by imitating them. If we surround ourselves with ungodly friends, our desire for human affirmation will erode our desire to honor God.

Matthew 6:1-6

Even if we seek affirmation from the right kind of people, Satan can twist our desire for affirmation to distract us from what matters most. If we care more about winning others’ affirmation than we care about blessing others with our time, resources, and talents, then we will fall short of truly living out God’s love.